I feel it. And I hate it. The f*cking social pressure.
People asking “what are you doing next?”, even with kindness, is something I genuinely hate. Because I don’t know. I just don’t. I could answer that but then, there’s the look. The judging one. Like I need to plan my life 20 years ahead. But I don’t. Sometimes it is ok to not know.
I just need people to let me be, let me live, let me do my own thing. I don’t want people stressing me out. Let me live the moment without thinking about what’s next. I know the future will be ok, so why should I know exactly what I’ll be doing, where I’ll be?
Sometimes I feel like people are more stressed out about my life than I am. Like they need to know exactly what I’ll be doing next. Like it matters for them, more than for me. I get that people are curious but still. Is it a real reason to be so judgmental? I finished my studies and then started working abroad. And people only see the surface. For many of them, I don’t use my diploma. I have a preschool teacher degree. So people assume I have to teach in a school or a nursery. Because I have the diploma for it so why not using it? The truth is, I use it everyday. Not in a school, or a nursery. But I use it. I still work with children, because it is something I love maybe more than anything. I am currently an au pair and I can proudly say that I am part of my host kids education. Their parents and I are teaching them to be responsible, to tidy up, to be polite, to be kind, to respect each other, … When I read a book I explain the “difficult words”, I correct their sentences when they make a mistake, I teach them some words of English, … As I said in my previous article, aupairing is not just about playing.
And then, of course, the traditional question “Have you got a boyfriend?”. When you reply by the negative, people feel sorry for you and answer “don’t worry, you’ll find someone soon”. But I am not worried. What if I wasn’t looking? Because I didn’t care. Like it matters than I am 24 and single. It doesn’t bother me so why does it bother everyone else? I’m not saying that I want to be single all my life. But it is more than ok to be now, so just be ok with that as well. Stop telling me each time I’m going to another country “you’ll find a handsome english (or whatever) boyfriend”. This is rude. I am not traveling to find a boyfriend. Is that so hard to understand? Why do I need to have a boyfriend? Why is not ok to be single? Wake up people, this is my life and I do whatever I want to do with it.
But sometimes, I do feel that pressure. And I feel bad. I feel that I have to be like everyone and have a boyfriend, think about babies and wedding, and that I should settle down in one place, buy a house, plan my life 20 years ahead. And I feel bad because I am not doing all those things. And everyone is expecting me to do them. I stop for a minute, asking myself “what the f*ck am I doing?”, “why am I not doing like everyone else?”. Luckily for me, it doesn’t last long. I start thinking clearly again and I don’t care. I don’t care what people think or say. I am young. And even if I wasn’t, this is the way I live and I don’t care if you don’t feel well about it. Because I do. I feel alive. More than ever.
“I just want to have a completely adventurous, passionate, weird life.”
With love, Anaïs